- Photo credit: kylesteed via VisualHunt / CC BY-NC
So, maybe you are already on board. You believe in community, in coming together, in connecting, but what’s next? What can we do, today, to turn these words into action? Well, as an aside, I hope that this forum can move us to do both – by exploring the value of story telling and community, and by identifying tangible ways to connect and build community.
But, let’s focus on something we can do today, maybe even after reading this post.
What I’m thinking of costs less than a dollar, and it requires only a pen, paper, and postage. Yes, I’m making the case for sending an actual letter through the U.S. Postal Service, aka snail mail.
But it’s such a small gesture.
Admittedly, yet still significant. I have a friend who sends cards just because. Her “thinking of you” cards always make my day. Just recently she sent me a picture of us with a few friends and a note just to say that she is grateful for our friendship, that she remembers my daughter, and that she wishes me luck with my job search. Three sentences and a postage stamp made my day.
But what about email?
In the digital age snail mail is becoming less frequent, but it is not obsolete. Though we can say the same words in an email, it requires less effort, is easily lost in overwhelmed inboxes, and feels, well, less special. And it’s that last piece that I think makes all the difference. Sending a card or a letter to someone says, you mean something to me. It says, I was thinking of you when I picked out this card, when I sat down to handwrite this note, when I walked to the mailbox to send this letter.
Nearly six months after Eliana died, Chris and I finally finished reading through the sympathy cards. Each one was special, if for no reason other than in each one, the sender – colleagues, friends, family, acquaintances, friends of friends and family – took the time to choose a card, to think of Eliana, perhaps to say or write her name, and to think of us. Not one card could “make it better.” Yet each reminded us that we were not alone. We did receive a few condolences via email (most sent in immediate response to the company-wide announcement of her death). These were moving. But, without any physical presence, they failed to stand watch in our home these last six months, reminding us that we were not alone, reminding us that we were loved. And that made all the difference. (For helpful tips on writing a condolence letter, click here to read The Art of Condolence by Bruce Feiler).
But I already send cards.
True, in certain contexts we may expect snail mail.On our birthday, or anniversary, for example. But, why limit yourself to sending cards on only these occasions?
I’ve been sending out cards more frequently these days to people who have graciously agreed to meet with me for informational interviews. After each one, I write an email and a snail mail thank you. I always enjoy sending the latter. I imagine it showing up in the person’s office a few days later, and hope that they are cheered by my simple affirmation: I am thankful for their time and conversation. To my surprise, several people have said just that, they did appreciate the card.
. . .
And maybe that’s what I’m trying to get at here. Send along those affirmations. Not just for birthdays or anniversaries. Not just for condolences or congratulations. (Though all of these notes are important too). Send along that affirmation – to friends, to family, to colleagues, just because. At a loss for what to say? Take the advice of Emily Post: “Grace of expression counts for nothing; sincerity alone is of value.” (Emily Post, Etiquette: In Society, In Business, In Politics, and At Home (New York: Funk & Wangalls Co., 1923 ed.), 484) (emphasis added). Though her advice was written with respect to condolence notes, it can apply to other types of notes too: be sincere, and don’t worry too much about the quality of the writing.
By sending along that note just because, by saying “I’m thinking of you,” you are connecting for no purpose other than to connect. You are reminding people that they matter. And, you are nourishing your relationships, your community.
How do you connect with people? What are other small ways we can affirm each other?